The worst part of my day is saying goodbye to you.  Everytime. It makes me feel less independent, it makes me feel like i need you, it makes me feel pathetic. I have a hard time concentrating.  It is interuppting my day when I cancel things, rearrange things, skip things, all to procrastinate the inevitable goodbye.  Though I know i'll see you again. I always do. You still give me the butterflies, after all this time.  And I hate it. I hate it. But I don't really hate it... i love it, and on the days i don't get to feel the anxiety and rush of blood to every nerve in my body i have a hard time smiling.  But I shouldn't need you to feel that way.  I shouldn't need anyone.  I don't want you to make me feel like a more complete person.  I want to feel that way myself.  I don't want to be your psychoanalyzation, your experiement, or the little girl you always have to take care of.  And I'm running scared like every other time because that is all I end up being.  I'm a ditz. I'm a clutz. And I've hopelessly fallen for you.  So next time don't smile that way at me.  You don't know what it does to my insides. Or how it is imprinted on my mind for the rest of the day.  And I'm just doing it to myself again.  Overanalyzing, overthinking, overbreathing.  This is ridiculous.


I'm not scared to fly
I just need golden wings
The kind that will burn in the sky
and knock the stars down to die


...Longingly?
Morgan