feeling:  in the highest of spirits
listening to: my itunes dance hits mix


I am in the BEST mood ever! So i thought i would change the pace a little bit and write during a time when i was happy, rather than contemplative or sad... although its much more difficult. 

Rocked my 8am exam's face off today.  And I was up until 3am in martin and scotts watching animal house.  it was Brilliant.  absolutely brilliant.  Then i got my paper back.... and thats right.... i got an A+.  Eat that mr. conway. And then in english i picked a really good theme to write my next contextual analysis essay on that I think will be really really interesting.  I'm stoked.  School took a turn for the better today.  Though arts still bites. 

My retreat this weekend was awesome, and i really really feel like i am growing in my relationship with God.  It's starting to become a daily thing, where I can feel his presense with me at all times, not just the bad ones, and not just the ones in which i am looking for him.  I met alot of cool people too. 

Boys are going alright.  I'm in martin and scotts room everyday, but its so much fun.  I wish I was meeting more new people though.  I'll look into it.    

Alex is pissed at me... i think.  I don't really know because he's not as blunt about stuff like that so he wont just call me and tell me like i did with him.  But, its his call on this one just like it was mine last time... so all i can do is wait i guess.  He hung up on me two nights ago.  I really dont know what he could be mad at though.  I tried to fit in with his friends, i really was trying much more and it was going better.  So I hang out with my group of friends more than his.... sorry.... i mean... thats why theyre my group of friends :)  I hate it because im becoming cynical, just look at me.  oh well. 

there is a bird right outside my window chirping!!! its cool, though all of a sudden quite annoying.

oh! and i finally saw moulin rouge.  I liked it alot alot alot.  martin and scott sing the love song as a duet... it is quite histerical.

I still miss everyone alot.  My sister, my family, bridget, meghyn, and alex martinez a ton.  :( 

we are taking dan to the mall to get his hair cut today and I am going shopping for my brothers birthday.  Its his 21st so im going to buy him a really nice set of wine glasses.  Im gonna take a four hour nap first :)

listening to: a little bit of straylight run action
feeling: a little sick, but damn smiley inside




if you ever feel loved or needed
just remember your one of the lucky ones

and if its over just remember what i told you
it was bound to happen, soldiers
keep moving on, theres no perfect ending


i cant even sum up last night in words.  im staring at this screen... my head pounding and half my world still spinning.... not knowing what to say.  i kissed cristen, that was interesting.  we danced, we laughed, we played guitars, we sang, we rejoiced. I heard warren's voice for the first time since july.  something would be there if he didnt live in california. I celebrated the completion of my six page english paper.  crashed hard and woke up too early to the alarm for my 9am class. ay ay ay ay ay.   

feeling - tired, but extraordinarily amazing
listening to: Something Corporate - She paints me blue


Such drama this weekend.  more hardcore drama than i have seen in a long long time, since i usually do such a wonderful job at avoiding it.  Thats how i know alex is my best friend.  I can tell him we need to talk and we can sit and talk for two or more hours and just say anything and everything, and i can break down and bawl in front of him and we can work on it and fix it all.  thats how i know everything will be okay.

confirmation is going wonderfully.  Each week i learn more and more about myself and type of christian i would like to become.  And my relationship with god is heading in such a better direction as well.  Makes me smile inside.

i was out until 4:30 last night and i had an 8 oclock class.  Cosmos are delicious and my friends could kick your friends' ass.  they are just that cool.  yup. i said it. 

the weather here is BEAUTIFUL.  I dont remember the last time the breeze blew through my hair and the sun shone on my back and i was neither hot nor cold, but 100% content basking in the sunlight. 

Sucks i missed that concert bridge, sounded like an amazing time.  Taking back sunday and fallout boy in three weeks.  Starting line in two, but i still cant go cause of confirmation.  Northstar and straylight run too.  i am sooooo looking forward to that show.  I guess i have something to look forward too.

three papers due this week :)  watch me get them all done and still stay out too late and wake up too early.  I'm a stud.

OH! and i TOTALLY WON the bet with the guys.  Been at school for over and month and not one drunken hookup.  THATS RIGHT BABY! (i make it sound like that is so terribly difficult for me.... dont ask, i dont know why they put bets on me) and i must admit... it was semi difficult with rob in town last weekend.  that kid is one good lookin fella.  but im damnnnnn proud :)

Morgan

listening to- are we really happy with who we are right now? - Moneen
feeling- smiley :)


i found something 10000000 times better than lauch or anything else the technology world has ever offered.  OurTunes.  Ourtunes is (an illegal) a program that lets me steal music from every one else in my dorm's itunes folder.  Thus, it has widespread through my dorm, everyone uploaded all their cds, and i can go and pick and choose anything i have ever wanted, granted they have it.... shall we recap the list of what i've got? just to make myself smile once again..... :) keep in mind these are WHOLE CDS!!!!!!!!!!! AHHHHH  I LOVE MY LIFE :)

Listening to: Scratch - Allister
Feeling - productive!!!! Its a new concept for me as of late


I really should update more.  Just cuz i havent been able to get myself to write lately, and i do want a record of what i go through.  I dunno... helps me figure stuff out when i look back and see what i wrote.

College has taken a turn for the best i suppose.  I decided that it's stupid to not hang out with a group of friends just because they are my old friends and i was so adement about meeting new people.  I finally found some people i truly truly believe i fit in with and am not faking my way through life.  I'm not going to throw that away because im "supposed" to meet a million new people.  The old ones are just as good, which is something i never believed i would hear myself say.  If you knew the history and the amount of people i've been through... you'd be surprised too.

Listenin to: Costello - Straylight Run (THANKS BRANDON!!!!!!!!!!! YOU ARE MY #1 HERO!!!!!!!!!!!!!)
Feelin: pretty tired.... pretty drained... but all around pretty good

Two Weeks later and here I need with the undying need to write again.  But this time I am not horribley saddened by homesickness (though i still miss my family), but rather how uncontrollabley pensive I am.  I will try to make this short.  hehehehehe.

So times are much better since i last updated i suppose.  I've met alot of awesome new people, and hopefully more to come.  Its finally coming down to where its more than just petty talk... which i suck at and I hate.  Some of my old friendships are growing even stronger as well, such as my bond with cristen kern or with alex. 

English blows.  Its actually an excellent class its just really really hard.  The rest of my classes are so far pretty decently easy, if not a breeze.

My time is consumed with late night trips to ihops, figuring out my life with cristen, running into old friends, keeping in touch with other ones, doing my homework, sleeping, and laughing uncontrollabley. 

I went home this weekend and got to "squeeze everyone's eyeballs out" (as bridget eloquently puts it).  I spent a goot 10 hours total this weekend reminiscing old childhood memories with my neighbor lauren whom i grew up with.  Stories of our adventures in the empty condos in los conchos at rockypoint when we were 6, or getting lost in the woods in the rain during a camping trip, or them knocking on my window at 6 in the morning to make me come play barbies on lauren's front rocks...  i have so many memories with this girl.  We talked about how we both realize we had the best childhood's a person can ask for, and unlike most people- we realize it.  I don't look back on my childhood and how amazing it was as think, damn, i should have soaked it up while i could have.  I knew it was amazing while i lived it... and that is why i am so stuck and scared to grow up.  Its scary to go from something awesome that you know to something entirely unpredictable, chaotic, and unexplored.  Granted, my childhood has some problems - some serious stuff that im obviously not going to dive into on this thing, and alot of stuff not many people, if any outsiders, actually know.  However, they were merely rough patches.  I had the best growing up experience one person could ever ask for... and i refuse to let it go.

Garden State is the best movie in the world.  See it.  Yes, its cliche... but i think it changed my life.  It really did give me a new perspective on things.  Most definately one of my favorite movies of all time now.

We're having a toga party this weekend at ashlyns I think.  That is, if jordan slat and i plan it.  Kickass. 

I wish what we used to have.  I still think of you everyday and wish that i didn't.  I dont want to sleep because I know I'll dream of you, I know I'll love it.  I want to wash out every word you ever spoke to me so your voice isn't running through my veins. Cristren and I decided I need to make you dead to me.  Which, I suppose you have been all along... I just never realized it until now.

Go on and say it
You need me like a bad habit,
Morgan Rose


ba ba ba ba ba ba ba

listening to: goo goo dolls - acoustic #10... or maybe its three... i forget and it doesnt matter... its a brilliant song

I was thinking to myself that i would stop writing in this altogether.  Seemingly i had ended the last entry on a goodbye note with my favorite quotes ever, and it just seemed retrospectively that ending it on the last day before college was the way to go.  You know... leave the old chapter behind and begin a new.  that and its not like i've really had any time to update it, or seemingly have felt like it.  Its funny that i only write when i'm upset.  When im happy or hyper, i'de just rather go out and tell people than vent it all out with a paper and pen and bury it deep within my soul.  There is this little burning flame deep inside of me of all the shit i've pushed down by merely writting it out and thinking that made it better... because writing is the devil like that.  It makes you think it's gone away, it gives you a false feeling that everything is going to get better.  But does it? No... writing truly cant do anything for you.  All it does is supposedly get your thoughts in order, but my head is already too fucked up to have that work.  So why do i feel compelled to write?  I've established that it does nothing... and here i am writing away.  Dammit... it makes me feel better.

listening to: bridgets cd she burned for me :)
feeling: indescribable...

and ive got some friends some that i hardly know
weve had some times i wouldn't trade for the world
we chase these days down with talks of the places that we will go
we live on front porches and swing life away
we get by just fine here on minimum wage
if love is a labor ill slave til the end
i wont cross these streets until you hold my hand

(ps.  bridget burned me the greatest cd I have ever owned.  Each track holds a different memory of our senior year and our summer of rocking out, singing out, dancing out, and chillin out.  It is the greatest mix of the entire world with all of my favorite songs on it too.  She is the coolest in the world)
I cried when i dropped my dad off at the airport
I cried driving home on the 51
I cried pulling away from Laurel's house after saying goodbye to Bridget
I cried pulling away from Lauren's house after leaving the group
I cried pulling away from Robs apartment just because i will miss them
I cried driving home on the 101 to seventy times seven
yes i know, you are thinking.... how can you cry to 70x7??  Let me tell you, its possible when you think of all of the things that one song has gotten you through in two years and how everything in your life is going to change in a few short hours and never return to the way it was.
I miss my 4th grade class.
I listened to "your own disaster" today for the first time in months.... i cried.


Nostalgically, Nervously, Excitidely Yours Forever,
                                                                                    Morgan Rose




For twelve years I've held it all together
but a night like this is beggin to pull me apart


This story's old but it goes on and on until we dissapear....

this is the end

cept its not a flattering picture of either of them.  though i love johns shirt and his tight ass jeans. 

Scratch that... make it three amazing nights in a row... about to be four come tomorrow.  I love how everyone pulls together at the end.

Lots of complicated dramatic stuff.  I hate it... all of it.

I need a concert.

~Morgana